And with it, comes my complete lack of motivation this year. Truthfully, I really haven’t had it since May. I kind of slogged through the summer. Since I couldn’t really run, I didn’t want to do anything. I felt like I was lucky to pull off a PR at Lakefront earlier in the month.
Since then, I’ve been all over the place, mentally, and physically as well. The week after the marathon I went to Florida for vacation. I ran 3 times — 21ish miles total. I considered this a total win for a beach vacation and actually wanted to run for the most part (if only to get away from family for an hour, but still).
The day after we came back (last week Sunday), I was super stoked to go for a run. I planned on running my 6ish mile route, and when I got close to my apartment door noticed my 6th mile clicked over at 7:57 — my 1st sub 8 mile since getting hurt at the end of May. I was pumped. I knew I could run faster though, so I ran another mile just to get my pace down a little lower. 7:38. YES. I love running. Running is my favorite.
The next 2 days, I ate like a gorilla in a grocery store, and afterwards was too lethargic to go to the gym, so… I just didn’t. No matter, I figured. I’d just go every other day that week. Which I did. But it was certainly not pretty. I had to absolutely force myself to run 4 miles on Wednesday. Honestly, I ran one and had to stop and really think if I wanted to keep going. I realized I DIDN’T want to. It felt hard, it felt slow, and it didn’t feel fun. I ran 3 more and hated every. single. step.
Admittedly, my ankle and heel have been hurting in a really strange way lately and I chalked it up to that. I blamed it on the gorilla/grocery store situation making me feel heavy. I thought maybe I needed to figure out a different way to lace up my newish shoes. I figured it was just one of those bad runs.
The next day I thought I’d give my leg/shoes/gorilla a rest from running to see if that helped anything. I slogged through an hour on the elliptical (truthfully, I don’t hatehatehate the elliptical) but my heart, again, just wasn’t in it.
Okay, so Friday, I felt sure that another run would break me out of the funk. Uhh no such luck. 5 miles of slog. Shoe/ankle/gorilla probs. I’m starting to get real annoyed by it. So Saturday morning I did another hour on the elliptical. I really didn’t want to. I wanted to run and not think it might hurt and just absolutely love it before/during/after the run but I didn’t do any of those things.
My hips and glutes also are still in the process of hating me, and I know I should be more proactive in strengthening and stretching them and I’m just not. I just don’t want to. I don’t know what my problem is, but it’s irritating me, and at the same time, I can’t change it. I think — if working out isn’t giving me the feeling I know that it should give me — is it making it worse to force myself to do it? Do I just need the mental break from it? I don’t know the answer.
I’ve mostly been forcing it for the past week because I am pacing the inaugural Milwaukee Running Festival Marathon this coming weekend and felt that I couldn’t afford to lose too much fitness from Lakefront. But after the race, I’m really not sure what motivation I’ll have to get to the gym, other than my innate fear of never losing all the weight I managed to gain this year. Yet again, these past 2 days I went home from work with all the intentions of going to the gym to just do SOMETHING, but miraculously found myself on the couch with pizza/cookies/ice cream/all of the things (seriously) instead.
Today, I’m going to give it a go and see what happens. I’d like to run outside where I don’t really have a chance to stop at any given moment, but the weather has been really quite uncooperative for the past 24 hours on that front. So my plan is to re-lace my shoes (I’ll try anything at this point and am seriously hoping this helps stop my foot feeling like it’s rolling around in my shoe and thus causing me the weird pain), fire up the YouTube & Netflix, and pray that I start running and don’t want to stop. Cross your fingers.